Tears Over Linguini

Last Sunday, C. and I ventured out on our very first completely baby-centric outing. We hit-up a few furniture stores looking for an upholstered glider rocker recliner...preferably in a neutral color and not covered with microfiber. (Anyone who has pets knows that microfiber holds fur like super glue holds...well...just about anything!) So the great rocker crusade sounds like a pretty simple task, right?! Soooo wrong. We found a grand total of 2 glider rockers and both were upholstered in a lovely light shade of green. I even considered changing the nursery color scheme to work around one of them...but thankfully C. talked me out if it. We've now moved on to glider rocker Plan B.

So after we visited 5 or 6 different stores and only had two packs of tiny hangers and a changing pad to show for it, C. and I decided to visit one of our favorite Italian restaurants. I must preface this story by saying that in the past, I have been lovingly referred to as a pasta-eating-mo-fo. I have a major passion for carbs. It's also VERY unlike me to step out on a limb and try something new once I've found a dish I like, but for some crazy reason, I found myself in an adventurous mood and ordered the chicken marsala. Underneath the price, it said something about adding spinach for an additional 3 dollars. Mmmm...spinach. The menu actually read just like this:

Chicken Marsala

Chicken breast, mushrooms and sweet
“Pellegrino” wine sauce,
with fettuccine 11.99
With sautéed spinach 14.99

Much to my surprise, when my plate arrived with just a pile of raw baby spinach and two chicken breasts, I was SURE the waiter had brought me the wrong thing. C. corrected me and confirmed with the waiter that I had indeed ordered THIS dish. Thanks for backing me up, babe...sheesh. I wasn't satisfied. I stormed across the room, grabbed a menu and like my usual stubborn self, insisted to C. that I should have gotten the linguine with the dish TOO! I wanted to say...I'm eating for TWO here buddy. A slab of chicken and a pile of spinach isn't going to cut it! But instead, my eyes welled up and I started crying. The room was packed. C. was silent. Cue waiter returning to inform me that I was mistaken and that the dish is either served with spinach OR linguine, but he put in an order for some pasta anyhow. By this time, C. is done with his own food and still sitting in silence. Linguine arrives. I begrudgingly eat my chicken and pasta (which was the best part of the meal) and echo C.'s silence with my own. We pay, leave the crowded restaurant and start the drive home...in silence. About half way home, C. blurts out..."I think everyone in that room thought we just broke-up!" To which I answered: "Who cares?! All I wanted was you to back me up on getting my pasta!"

Hello hormones.

So the moral of this story is: NO MENU GLITCH, NO WAITER, NO HUSBAND....NOTHING comes between pregnant Mel and her pasta!

On a much lighter note...We'll be painting the nursery a pale shade of blue this coming weekend to offset the espresso colored crib and dresser that The Dude has in his room. We actually just assembled the crib last week. And by we, I mean I held some of the pieces and made sure C. didn't make any scratches or dents on the soft pine frame while he grunted and groaned about finding the right screw and such. He did a fantastic job. I don't think the crib even sustained one scratch...YET. The super cute "mod star" bedding arrived today and a matching chocolate-colored rug is in-transit. Things are slowly, but surely starting to take shape. It's still all a bit overwhelming. And finally, a preview of what's to come:

Welcome ICLW'ers!

A warm welcome to anyone who may be visiting via ICLW...and *hugs* to all my faithful blogger buddies. I'm so happy that you've chosen to visit my little part of the blogosphere.

My story at a glance looks a little something like this:

July 2002: Lost my first pregnancy.

2002-2005: Adrift in the post-college, post-graduate world of what in the heck do I do with my life now?!?

July 2005: Married my favorite comedian, cook and very best friend--C.

August 2007: Threw away BC pills. Planned to really start "trying" for baby in the summer of '08.

March 2008: Surprise positive pregnancy test!

May 2008: Doppler can't detect a heartbeat. Ultrasound doesn't look good. Lost baby at 10 weeks 1 day. Found out I had a congenital uterine anomaly. Had to have 2 D and C's because doctor "missed" one side of my uterus.

June 2008-October 2008: Subjected to a myriad of diagnostic tests with RE and OB. Diagnosed with an inherited blood clotting disorder that will require me to take blood thinning shots during any subsequent pregnancy and 6 weeks post-partum. I'm told that I'm at high risk for placental abruption, IUGR, incompetent cervix and pre-term labor.

October 2nd, 2008: Digital pregnancy test says "pregnant." Commence freak-out. Immediately call hematologist and start hep.arin shots and progesterone supplements.

October 2008 to February 2009: Various pregnancy scares...spotting, cramping, one trip to labor and delivery, pelvic rest, and ZERO exercise allowed. Enjoyed feeling the first flutters of life growing inside me...pleasant flutters have slowly become the first official kicks and punches of pregnancy.

...which brings us to where we are today. 24 weeks pregnant and more in love with this little boy growing inside of me than I had ever imagined humanly possible. Amid intense anxiety and a few tears, I'm attempting to come to terms with the fact that my body is cooperating, and that we may actually be welcoming new life into our world in just a few short months.

So much for the "holding pattern"...huh?

Letting It All Sink-In

Lately, I've been struggling with the reality of this pregnancy and allowing myself to let go of all the fears that have been camped-out in the back of my mind for almost a year now. I marvel at the changes I see in my body and the increasing strength of the movement I feel in my belly, but I'm still terrified when I don't feel the little guy move for a few hours and with every muscle twinge or cramp. I have allowed myself moments of normalcy...removing wallpaper from the soon-to-be nursery, choosing a color to go on the walls and making plans for where all the furniture will be placed. I even mustered the courage to order his crib last week.

But then there are moments that still bring me back to all of the uncertainty that remains. I found myself venturing into the baby section to look at baby clothes and supplies while on a recent shopping trip, but I froze. Gripped by this ugly fear that creeps in every now and then. Completely unable to pick anything up and put it in my basket. My mind is telling me there are still too many unknowns. It didn't feel right to pick-out little t's and bibs, socks or bedding because what if...

And so I wait and I pray that the fear that tiptoes into my consiousness can be overcome by the intense love I hold in my heart for our precious baby boy. Our son.