Opening Doors

I have been buried at work this week…hence my neglect of blogging and commenting. And for that, I’m really sorry faithful blogger buddies!

I’m still undecided about further diagnostics to confirm my BU/SU status. C. believes that we should trust Dr. D’s opinion, and move forward with the hematologist and *hopefully* get the green light to go ahead and start trying again with blood thinners and baby aspirin. However, to leave my options open, I’ve requested my medical records from the hospital that did my D and C’s (HSG, pathology, ultrasounds) and I’m planning to send all of this information off for a second opinion. I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to have any what-if's left on the table for future attempts. It would break my heart to know there was something, be it ever so slight, that I could have done to increase the likelihood of a viable pregnancy. I don’t think I could live with that.

I also forgot to mention that Dr. D ordered about nine bazillon different blood tests when I was in for my saline sono last week. I donated 12 vials (Yes, 12!) vials of blood. Can you say arm turning blue and numb from the tourniquet?! I really appreciated how proactive she wanted to be with my treatment. She explained that many of the blood tests that Dr. Hemo would order had to be sent-off to the Mayo Clinic labs for processing, and the results usually come back within two weeks. Dr. D also explained that she couldn't promise that she'd cover every test Dr. Hemo needed, but that it would be a good start and would eliminate another two week wait after my appointment in September. I’m still waiting to hear-back on those results. She also asked if I’d like to have my and C.’s chromosomes analyzed, and I thought, why not, right?! These were her exact words: “With both a uterine anomaly and a congenital blood clotting disorder, it would be highly unlikely for you to have a chromosomal condition too.” I wanted to say, just wait lady, the lab is going to come back and say: “Ummm…yeah…this ‘woman’ has an exact chromosomal match to a cat.”

In other matters and gripes, I really thought I liked living in a college town. But now that we live in a neighborhood between a major university and a smaller, liberal arts college (my alma mater!), I’m finding myself annoyed by the increased foot traffic, increased vehicle traffic, increased noise and the onslaught of hootchie-mama attire parading past our house! I asked C. if the level of my annoyance means I’m getting old…and the answer was a resounding YES! I’m only 6 years removed from my college experience, and already I have an intolerance for loud teens and early twenty-somethings. Eeeeek! The only redeeming aspect: we live in a climate where the girls HAVE to dress in layers once November/December rolls around.

*~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ * ~* ~*

As I mentioned in one of my first posts, C. and I purchased a home that was already all decked-out with a little kid’s room. I figured we’d leave it as-is for a year and redecorate once we added little ones to our clan. However, after our loss, having to look at the room and its contents makes me really sad. It houses the changing table my mom bought us even before we were “trying” for kiddos (I thanked her for the nice “book shelf”), an exer.saucer, baby tub and baby swing inherited from my in-laws and my childhood stuffed animals, books and quilts.




My unworn maternity clothes still hang in that closet, price tags yet to be removed. The lullaby CDs, ultrasound frame, baby books and "Expecting" Willo.w Tree An.gel are stuffed into a plastic bin…out of sight, out of mind?


For now, I just shut the door, and try to forget what it looks like and all that it contains. It is my strongest desire and deepest hope that we get to open that (literal and figurative) door in the very near future.

Finally, a few shout-outs before I sign-off for the weekend:
Go congratulate A Maybe Story on the purchase of her new house…which, by the way, I’m totally envious of!
And if you haven't already, go give Meredith some love…she’s on bedrest in the hospital and needs your encouragement.