Welcome ICLW'ers!

A warm welcome to anyone who may be visiting via ICLW...and *hugs* to all my faithful blogger buddies. I'm so happy that you've chosen to visit my little part of the blogosphere.

My story at a glance looks a little something like this:

July 2002: Lost my first pregnancy.

2002-2005: Adrift in the post-college, post-graduate world of what in the heck do I do with my life now?!?

July 2005: Married my favorite comedian, cook and very best friend--C.

August 2007: Threw away BC pills. Planned to really start "trying" for baby in the summer of '08.

March 2008: Surprise positive pregnancy test!

May 2008: Doppler can't detect a heartbeat. Ultrasound doesn't look good. Lost baby at 10 weeks 1 day. Found out I had a congenital uterine anomaly. Had to have 2 D and C's because doctor "missed" one side of my uterus.

June 2008-October 2008: Subjected to a myriad of diagnostic tests with RE and OB. Diagnosed with an inherited blood clotting disorder that will require me to take blood thinning shots during any subsequent pregnancy and 6 weeks post-partum. I'm told that I'm at high risk for placental abruption, IUGR, incompetent cervix and pre-term labor.

October 2nd, 2008: Digital pregnancy test says "pregnant." Commence freak-out. Immediately call hematologist and start hep.arin shots and progesterone supplements.

October 2008 to February 2009: Various pregnancy scares...spotting, cramping, one trip to labor and delivery, pelvic rest, and ZERO exercise allowed. Enjoyed feeling the first flutters of life growing inside me...pleasant flutters have slowly become the first official kicks and punches of pregnancy.

...which brings us to where we are today. 24 weeks pregnant and more in love with this little boy growing inside of me than I had ever imagined humanly possible. Amid intense anxiety and a few tears, I'm attempting to come to terms with the fact that my body is cooperating, and that we may actually be welcoming new life into our world in just a few short months.

So much for the "holding pattern"...huh?

Letting It All Sink-In

Lately, I've been struggling with the reality of this pregnancy and allowing myself to let go of all the fears that have been camped-out in the back of my mind for almost a year now. I marvel at the changes I see in my body and the increasing strength of the movement I feel in my belly, but I'm still terrified when I don't feel the little guy move for a few hours and with every muscle twinge or cramp. I have allowed myself moments of normalcy...removing wallpaper from the soon-to-be nursery, choosing a color to go on the walls and making plans for where all the furniture will be placed. I even mustered the courage to order his crib last week.

But then there are moments that still bring me back to all of the uncertainty that remains. I found myself venturing into the baby section to look at baby clothes and supplies while on a recent shopping trip, but I froze. Gripped by this ugly fear that creeps in every now and then. Completely unable to pick anything up and put it in my basket. My mind is telling me there are still too many unknowns. It didn't feel right to pick-out little t's and bibs, socks or bedding because what if...

And so I wait and I pray that the fear that tiptoes into my consiousness can be overcome by the intense love I hold in my heart for our precious baby boy. Our son.

The Dude

As you may have read yesterday, we got to sneak another peek at "The Dude" (C.'s new nickname for baby Pat) at our 20 week comprehensive ultrasound. I'm happy to report that baby boy's measurements (head, femur, torso, heart) are all right on-track and that he's in the 76th percentile for weight based upon his gestational age. Yeah! Grow little guy, grow! He proudly displayed his little boy parts again as you can see from the profile pic I've posted below, so there's no doubt we're having a little fella! He seemed very comfortable with his hands near his face and even plopped his thumb in his mouth on a couple of different occasions. He had the hiccups and we watched in amazement as his jaw opened and closed and he gulped some of the amniotic fluid. He stretched-out his cute little legs as if trying to remodel my uniquely-shaped uterus to better match his needs. The 4-dimensional photos were great too. (Even though some of them kind of made him look like an alien.)

Boy parts peeking out between legs and The Dude sucking his thumb.

I found out that I have a couple of uterine fibroids, which I guess are pretty common in pregnant women? Who knew?! The doc said they only measured 1 and 2 cm's and didn't seem concerned by them at all. Has anyone else dealt with fibroids during pregnancy...or just uterine fibroids in general?

I'm happy to report there's been no more bleeding or spotting since the yoga "incident" two weekends ago. I mentioned it to the doctor and he immediately asked about any "recent history of intercourse" and C. was quick to respond that there hasn't even been any "not-so-recent history of intercourse." The doctor reiterated that I'm more prone to bleeding and spotting because of the Hep.arin and also because the left horn of my uterus...where there's no baby, but still an endometrial lining...may slough cells. It was basically one of those "it could have been anything" responses. I am just glad the spotting is done.

My next appointment in 4 weeks will include the 1 hour glucose tolerance test. I've heard horror stories about the liquid I'll have to drink. But I'm happy that I'll be doing it pretty early-on (test is usually done between 24 and 28 weeks) before The Dude has taken up more of my torso and squished my stomach even closer to my throat!

Finally, I want to send-out some love to my fellow blogger buddies This One (there is hope girlie!) and Nity (God is faithful!) on their fantastic news! 2009 is going to be the year of the baby for my fellow IF'ers. I just know it.

I'm In Love

20 weeks 3 days and I'm officially in love. His beautiful little hands. His squirmy little feet. His pouty little face. His hiccups and gulping. The perfectly-formed thumb in his mouth. Ahhhh. I can't stop smiling. Without further ado, I'd love to introduce our little guy:

More on the appointment tomorrow.

Weekend Baby Mama Drama

It was finally back to work for me today...even after another round of major stomach upset and vomiting last night. The only connection that I've been able to make between my yuckiest bouts of illness over the past week has been eating a corn-based product. Last Sunday night, it started with baked corn tortillas at supper...followed by violent tummy ache and vomiting. Wednesday, it was another corn-based product. And finally, just last night, after eating somewhat "normal" foods for lunch, I noshed on a couple corn tortilla chips and suffered the consequences. I'm not sure if it's a complete coincidence, but you can bet I'll be avoiding corn and corn-based products for quite awhile! Do you think it's possible to develop allergies to specific foods during pregnancy?

And now for the drama...

Short version of this weekend's events:

We had a VERY eventful Saturday night that included an emergency trip to Labor and Delivery.

Long version of this weekend's events:

Saturday afternoon, I decided that I had had my fill of being stuck in the house, so I ventured out for a walk with Duke and C. It wasn't anything strenuous or taxing, and it felt wonderful to get outside and take in some much-needed fresh air. With the temperature nearing 30 degrees, it almost felt like summer! After returning home, I felt so good, I decided I'd do my prenatal yoga video, which I've only done one other time during this pregnancy. I've been very wary to engage in any type of exercise (beyond walking) because I always had spotting/cramping when I'd work out during the pregnancy I lost in May. I figured, I feel so good! It's only yoga! Bad choice.

After a great 40 minute yoga session, I stripped down to shower and discovered blood in my undies. I think my exact words were: "You've got to be kidding me, God." I immediately ran for my Dopp.ler and found baby Pat's heart rate. Thumping along at a strong 152 bpm. By this point I was sobbing and called for C. to join me upstairs. He encouraged me to call the nurse who immediately connected me with the OB on-call at our hospital. After laying out a few scenarios that could be causing the bleeding, she left it up to me whether or not I wanted to come in for a check. I knew that C. and I would never be able to sleep if we stayed home, so it was off to the ER we went. I don't think we spoke at all on the 15 minute drive to the hospital.

We arrived at the ER where I was shuffled into a wheelchair and promptly brought up to labor and delivery. They hooked me up to a monitor, took all my vitals, and checked baby Pat's heart rate. Still strong. After about a 2 hour wait, the ultrasound tech wheeled in her cart and started her scan. She had the screen to the side where I couldn't see what she was looking at, but the smile on C.'s face spoke volumes and the kicks I felt when she placed pressure on my belly were absolutely beautiful. She even said, "Oh no! I think I've angered the child!" Baby was more active that I've ever felt before. She said my cervix looked long, that my placenta was high and far away from my cervix and that she didn't see any abnormal pockets of blood or fluid. Final diagnosis, unexplained bleeding.

Before she wrapped-up her scan, C. mentioned that we didn't yet know the baby's gender, to which she replied that she hadn't even ventured down in that direction yet, but would see if baby was cooperating. And cooperating HE was! There HE was, spread-eagle, in all HIS glory...sticking out his business for all to see. It was very clearly our little boy's man parts. The tech said: "Wow! He's sure not shy, is he?" So there you have it. We're going to have a little boy.

Before we could completely absorb the news, another nurse entered to do a manual check of my cervix...unsuccessfully. I swear the woman had her man-hands up to my tonsils. She sent in another nurse to do a check. She tilted the bed so far back, I thought I was going to slide off onto my head! But after a little rough-housing, she found it and said it felt fine. Three and a half hours after our arrival, we were then given discharge papers and sent on our merry way. No visit by the doc?! Really? But I guess at that point, we were too excited to even care. I'm going to be the mommy of a little boy. Amazing.

A Hot Mess

Overnight low: -29 degrees. Temperature with Wind Chill: -47 degrees. High so far today: -16 degrees. Brrrrrrr! I know I ask myself this every winter...but why do we live here? The only member of the family who doesn't seem to mind the cold (for the few moments that we let him outside) is Duke.

Duke is going stir-crazy, and so is mommy. I've been home from work with the stomach flu for the past two days. Poor baby Pat. My stomach sounds like I've swallowed angry kitties. That's gotta be loud in-utero. C. has also been pulling 24 hour shifts at work, so I haven't had much adult/human interaction or conversation in the past 48 hours. Help me!

I have a new found respect for anyone that has ever been a bed-rester. I've been on my back (actually my left side) for a little over two days and I've already lost the will to shower. Yup. I'm a hot mess.

New Year...New Life

I have to start by wishing everyone a very Happy New Year! Our wild and crazy New Year's Eve consisted of yummy dinner and college football with family, a glass of sparkling cider and a simple kiss (from hubby and puppy...of course!) at midnight. C. said it's official...we're totally old.

I'm overjoyed to report that morning sickness symptoms are almost completely gone, but in its place there's heartburn and headaches! But I'll take heartburn any day over the constant sensation of needing to hurl. I still marvel when I realize that we've already made it through 17 weeks of pregnancy. With the start of week 18, I've also been feeling the "butterflies" of movement that I've dreamt about experiencing since the start of this journey. It's still very subtle, but undeniable, that someone in there is kicking and squirming...maybe even dancing? There is NO disputing that new life is growing inside me. It's crazy and amazing all at the same time! We still regularly listen to baby Pat's heart beat with the Doppler, and it's settled in to the 150-155 range for the time being. I still get goose bumps every time I hear the swoosh-swoosh of our little guy/girl! I've started to talk to baby Pat more often now too. Don't worry. It's generally in the privacy of my car on the way to or from work...not just randomly at the grocery store or mall. (Can you imagine?!)

T-minus 17 days until we find out if we have a baby she-Pat or a baby he-Pat. I keep dreaming about being late for the appointment or showing up at the wrong clinic. Just last night, I dreamt that the US tech wouldn't let C. come into the room while doing the scan, and then she proceeded to tell me that our baby girl had hip dysplasia?! Random, huh?

Daily Hep.arin shots are still going well, even though I freak out when I have to do the shots on my right side...the side of my uterus where baby P. is nestled. The needles are tiny, but I still worry about poking too deep or in the wrong spot. I can only imagine that I'm going to be even more paranoid as my belly expands and the skin I can pinch becomes less and less. Any tips or advice from my fellow Lov.enox/Hep.arin users?

Finally, I have to give a shout-out to my little sister! She started a blog of her very own, which you can find here. She's posted some great pictures of my adorable nephews. Go check it out and leave a comment if you have a chance.