I opened the closet. Yes, the very closet I talked about here. And in doing so, forced myself to revisit many, many sad memories. Tucked away neatly in a plastic bin, sat all of the books on pregnancy, my unworn maternity clothes, the binder I received from the OB's office at my first pre-natal visit in April, the cute little ultrasound frame, the lullaby CD's and a million suppressed emotions. I picked-up the book with the beautiful in-utero pictures of "what your baby looks like now" and I cried. Gut-wrenching sobs. And it was then I realized that nothing about this new pregnancy has lessened the sadness about my loss in May.
I didn't expect for this wave of emotions to completely level me like they did. I thought I had processed and compartmentalized our loss, and that this pregnancy would be fresh, new and uncomplicated. Boy...was I wrong.
7 years ago
4 comments:
I am always shocked at how the pain of loss can still be triggered - either by memories you have saved, or just something simple that you see or hear. I am sorry you were feeling this. It sucks to relive those moments, but it is part of the process.
{{HUGS}} to you. It's so hard, and so bittersweet to be pregnant after a loss.
Thank you so much for the warm and caring comments you left on my blog.
(ICLW)
My heart is aching for you.
***BIG HUG***
I can't even imagine, but I'm glad you have a place to think about it and pray about it. How hard would this process be if we were all alone? I don't even want to go there.
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